"it doesnt matter what it does to you. what matters most is what you're gonna do about it."
- Hafiz O'Conner
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selamat tinggal “kawanku”.
harap kau memahami pemergianku. bukan senang untukku membuat keputusan itu. sekian lama aku memikirkan situasi ini. wajahmu sentiasa memutar di dalam hati ini. walaupun aku pergi, kau lah satu insan yang aku sayang tanpa batasan. maafkan aku jikalau keputusanku telah menyakitkan hatimu yang pernah aku sayangi.
pada masa hadapan yang tidak diduga oleh kita, akanku sebut namamu jikalau seorang teman aku tanya “..adakah kamu pernah dalam sebuah percintaan yang tak pernah kamu lupakan..”
itu sudah pasti.
My heart has been dyed blue. Even with my eyes closed, I can’t feel you. However, life has to move on. Even after you left, I’m still here. Life waits for no one.
“I was born, I met you and I have loved you to death but that seems like it wasn’t enough.”
Everything is at stake. All the things that I’m in is in a huge stake. Every single move I make will make a difference in the near future. Though much is being put at stake, I must brave myself up and go through it without having a thought of regret in the future.
People can judge me after this but I know that it’s for the better. You people will think back in the future and will thank me of why I do this very thing and make everything look complicated. I know myself so thus the decision that will be made.
Don’t ask me why. You all will know it yourself.
I might not be serious at times. I might laugh out loud in the public without shame. I might do silly things every now and then. However, do you people know how much is on my mind? I bet you don’t. So don’t question me whenever I make a decision on something that I know will be a massive change in my life or at times, other’s life.
Thank you.
The last one…
It started from nothing and it seems to end with a lil bit of the same.
I was walking towards a dead end. During that path, I learnt a lot of things that will be useful in the near future of my life. That path shows me the courage to tell someone “I Love You” without any feelings of fear, to stand tall even when people says it won’t happen and to love even when I know it wouldn’t happen.
Before this, I learnt to love the one you really love even when they don’t as I thought it shows sincerity and loyalty towards them. I thought this time with that hanging onto me, it wouldn’t fail but it did. Nothing happened.
Before this, I learnt to stay to what I love even it shows me to leave.
Before this, I gained strength to go through all this. However, it shows that with this kinda love, I’m still weak as ever before.
I thought I’ve found the one that I thought will be the last of it but it crumbled like a building without any sort of foundation. I stand, standing, stood and fell. I thought I could go through this but I’m afraid that this time is just isn’t the same.
I thought it is just another kinda of fall that I could withstand but it shows otherwise. Apparently, I fell and it seems as though I couldn’t stand up anymore. Dramatic? Yes. That’s how I felt anyways.
With all this visions around me, it bring tears to my eyes. With every single thing I do, I think of you. With every single thought, I’ll think of you. With every single fucking move, your shadow just kept showing.
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I’ll remember the time spent.
Jurong Lake Park, Sentosa, Lau Pa Sat, One Fullerton, Chang Fairy Point Chalet, BBQs, Taman Jurong and Khatib. I’ll remember these places. For what happened and when it happened.
Just so you know, I wrote down every single thing that happened in my laptop. Reading it back, it’s like a drama never been told or shown or acted by anyone before. It’s special to me in a million years.
I just want you to remember me as someone who loved you but never got the chance to show it all. Someone who tried but eventually got held back due to unforeseen circumstances. Someone who fell but got up with very little heart left.
The way I said it might be dramatic but this is what I feel. You know that I’m best at writing it out so here I am, doing this at my very own semi-dead blog.
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Remember when I was there during those times? Staying up late just to hear you out? Sticking by you at work though I know my shift has ended? Seeing you sleep in my arms looking so calm? Teasing each other like we are a couple? Our “first date” where you slept looking all worn out?
I remember every single detail. I do. You’ll cry if I were to tell you from A-Z. But if you were ever to ask me to tell you everything, I would be all quiet instead because I know that I would break.
I’m crying as I typed. I do. hmmmm..
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I assume you have someone else in mind? Happy for you. Go on with that. Don’t ever think whether I’ll be alright with it or not. Yes or No, I have to. Life has to carry on. Doesn’t mean I love you, I must have you all the time.
Love is wicked when you think about it. Someone will be broken eventually but life does carries on.
This is the first time I ever fell for someone so hard and the first time for me to stand back up straight in a long time. In the long run I will but it does takes time.
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Good luck in all you do and be happy. Remember what I’ve always said to you and please don’t forget to eat alright? Do eat regularly, you don’t have the best of health. Remember your vitamins, meals and smile. Your smile caught me unintentionally before. Don’t ever stop smiling for the ones you love. They’ll love you more in return.
I’m always somewhere praying for you. Don’t you worry about that.
I love you, Captain. :’/
Oh really?
It’s been a long time since I’ve heard someone said “I love you…” to me. Not in a friendly way but in a way it is being said between two lovers. However, it’s from someone that is in the past. I’m sorry but I can’t love the way I love you before. It was 7 years ago since I last loved you.
I can’t say I love you because I’ll be lying to you if I do. What’s left between me and you is just dust. I’m not angry with you. I’ve forgiven you but I’ll never forget what you have done to me and changed me.
What you’ve done to me before changed me as a person. Changed me from what people know of me.
So, I’m sorry if I can’t accept you in my life as someone special. We can be friends. Or even better, strangers. Now, I’m saying something to you that you’ve said to me before, “It’s for the better anyways.”
For the better my ass!
“If I say that I don’t love her anymore than I’ll be lying. If I say that she is completely out of my mind, I’ll be lying again. She is more than any other girls I have ever got to know.”
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